Being a stay-at-home mom is a noble decision and quite personal. Some flourish in the stay-at-home mom role. Others struggle with the day-to-day grind of it all. Often, stay-at-home moms believe that they are being left behind professionally. There can be awkward questions at parties when asked, “So, what do you do?”
We as humans often confuse “what we do” (profession) with “who we are” (our vocation or calling).
Moms are the heart and soul of the family. Children, when financially possible, should be raised by their mothers. That responsibility, unless absolutely necessary, should not be outsourced like landscaping or car maintenance without intense scrutiny. The calling of a stay-at-home mom is divine.
In this post, I will provide 8 reasons to fall in love with being a stay-at-home mom. There are many more but we will stick with eight for today.
#1 Stay At Home Mom — Career vs. Vocation
One’s career consists of a series of different jobs. Dan Miller, the author of 48 Days To The Work You Love, states that the word career is derived from another word —careen. Careen is defined as moving in an uncontrolled way in a specific direction.
The role of stay-at-home-mom qualifies as a career but it’s much, much more. If you’ve been at home with your kids for any time at all the “careen” definition should resonate with you!
Vocation encompasses career. Vocation is higher in the pecking order. The word vocation originates from the Latin word, vocare. Vocare means to call. It’s something that cannot be shaken and must be fulfilled!
Put in a grammatically incorrect way, you can’t not do it!
Motherhood is a divine calling.
Moms are honored to conceive, create, carry, and birth another human. That seems quite significant to me. It’s also a huge responsibility. You will only be able to pour into your child for about 6,570 days.
Should you really trust a stranger and outsource about 20% of that time?
#2 Do The Math
Families should treat their finances as a business. Salaries are their revenue. Groceries, utilities, and similar things are expenses. The difference between the two, hopefully, is profit.
Moms obtaining jobs or pursuing careers will increase the family revenue! Yes, there are benefits to another source of income for the family.
However, it’s important to consider all of the expenses as well. When businesses take on new projects all of the costs and risks are considered. Great businesses reject unprofitable or risky opportunities. Poor businesses assume unprofitable and risky jobs.
Let’s do a quick cost-benefit analysis on this idea.
The average salary in the United States is $53,940 (Jobted.com). Daycare, on average costs $14,117 per year (Fortune). This additional salary now pushes the family from the 12% to the 22% tax bracket which results in another $11,866 hit.
Allowable automotive expenses, per the IRS, are now at 58.5 cents per mile. The stingy, skin-flinty IRS believes that is the cost to operate and maintain an automobile (wear and tear, etc.). If a person drives half of the average (14,263) it would cost about $4,136 per year plus gasoline expenses.
Cost Benefit Analysis — Is It Financially Worth It?
| Salary | $53,940 |
| Taxes | ($11,866) |
| Day Care | ($14,117) |
| Auto Wear & Tear | ($4,136) |
| Clothing, Lunches, other incidentals** | ($4,500) |
| True Salary (Revenue) After Most Expenses | $19,321 |
The above job pays about $25.93 per hour. However, after taxes and other expenses what is brought home is actually closer to $9.28 per hour.
It’s difficult to place a dollar value on the potential risks. Risks are legitimate, though. This new revenue should be discounted further based on risk and opportunity cost.
A family should think through all potential risks before flippantly outsourcing daycare.
Opportunity cost is real in this situation. If we’re giving 40+ hours per week to an employer we are unable to give that same time to our children. Do you dare put a dollar amount on what you’re giving up?
#3 Stay At Home Mom — Family Values
Your family has a unique set of family values. Those values may not be written down verbatim but they are established. The tenor and tone of your family harmonize your family values.
It’s unfair and unreasonable to expect a daycare, even one charging five figures, to teach and reinforce your specific family values. That is an impossible task. Plus, that’s your job.
Children need constant care, reminders, and direction from the one who loves them the most.
“We cannot continue to send our children to Caesar for their education and be surprised when they come home as Romans”
— Voddie Baucham Jr.
#4 Roots
It’s amazing how much of our adolescence forms us as adults. Roots run deep and they feed our children for years to come. If the root is good the fruit will be good.
This study reflects that children with a stay-at-home mom performed better in school than other children. This improvement continued well into their high-school years.
Patterns of communication can be developed early in the lives of children. As children get older those patterns can be adjusted for the new realities of tween and teen years. It’s easier to adjust on the fly than to start fresh with a sullen teen.
As our children hit their teens they pretty much controlled the communication schedule. If they wanted to talk, no matter what time, we stopped everything to listen. Parent, you better be ready to talk at that exact moment.
If you’re at work you might miss that vital moment. The time will pass and who knows who will be the surrogate for that conversation?
#5 Stay At Home Mom — Freedom From Guilt
Moms often fight feelings of guilt when dropping off their children at daycare. Spending forty-plus hours per week on the job while the daycare spends forty-plus hours with your child can result in feelings of guilt and maybe a twinge of shame.
Can you put a price tag on watching your child take their first real step?
What about hearing them say their first real word? Certainly, you want to be the first person who hears “mama” right?
Time seems to accelerate. My wife and I blinked and we now have two grown children. Those years of spontaneous outbursts of building blanket forts, making sugar cookies or some other fun activity disappear quickly.
After a grueling day at work, you might get an hour or two of quality time with your munchkin before bed. Daycare 8, parent 2.
By the end of the week, the score is even more lopsided: Daycare 40, parents 10.
#6 Control The Chaos
Your boss needs something tomorrow. Your husband is also under strain and stress at work. Little Betsy has a fever.
What now? She only wants mommy. Who wins? The boss or Betsy?
It’s a mad dash to get out the door each morning. No one is talking, smiling, or singing. It’s all about getting out the door and spending another day on the hamster wheel.
Certainly, there is a better way.
It’s A Symphony
A stay-at-home parent is able to symphonize all of this chaos. Have you ever heard an orchestra warming up before a concert? It’s not too appealing to the ears. However, once the conductor picks up the baton order is created out of chaos.
The same is possible for your home. Mornings can become glorious once again. After-school snack time is a joyous and fact-filled opportunity. Dinner is a time when the conversation can linger and the kids can open up emotionally at their speed.
#7 Stay At Home Mom — Be That House
Long ago I met Dixie. Dixie was in her mid-sixties and preparing for retirement. At the time my children were infants. Dixie gave me a piece of advice that no one else ever has.
“I think it’s just as important, maybe even more important, to be home for your teens after school as it was being with your infant instead of daycare.”
Teenagers’ lives move quickly. They are discovering themselves. The totally natural disconnection between mom and dad is underway. Your teens will control the conversational tempo.
Our job as parents? Be there when they need it.
More and more houses are parentless. Teens want to hang out together. Other parents desire a safe place for their teens to go. Why can’t that be your house?
Approximately 60% of houses have both parents working outside the home (bls.gov). Three out of five of your kids’ friends don’t have a parent to talk to after school.
Teens might not act as though they want you around but they do — at a distance.
What’s that worth?
#8 You Can Make More Money But Not More Time
Time is odd. It seems to drag during each day but the years and decades are zooming by like a runaway bullet train.
Time is a precious commodity. We can’t save it or buy more of it. We can, however, invest it for future returns.
My friend Dixie went back to work full time after her kids finished high school. She had ZERO regrets.
We often like to tell ourselves, “I’m doing this so they will have a better life than me.” It sounds good but we both know that we’re not being 100% honest when we say it.
Sacrificing, even for our children, is tough. Delaying our career aspirations can be a bitter pill to swallow.
When we work we are rewarded with a paycheck and benefits. We do something and then we are rewarded. With raising children the payoff and reward structure is anything but linear. You might wait years or decades to see the fruit of your labor.
While you’re wiping noses and butts your friend Monica is on a “once-in-a-lifetime” cruise.
There will be plenty of time for you to earn more money. Once those divine glimpses of time with your children are gone, they are possibly gone forever.
What If We Really Need The Money
There are times when more money is truly needed. The budget constraints cannot be rectified with budget cuts. All the fat has been removed.
What now?
I encourage you to do a cost-benefit analysis. In some situations, mom earns more than dad. That’s possible and requires an entirely different view. That’s a totally separate article for another day.
Perhaps you have a family member (aunt, grandma, sister-in-law) that would watch your kids for a season. We did that for a couple of years.
I was often watched by my grandma while my mom worked outside the home.
What about dad taking on a part-time job or mom working nights or on Saturdays.
Get creative! The more options that you have the better the outcome.
Here’s an article that I wrote about earning extra money with a side hustle. Perhaps one of these will provide you with some encouragement.
What About Single Moms
I was raised by a single mom and have some experience with that difficulty. This article is not meant to address that challenging situation.
I encourage single moms to tap their circle of influence. Be open and honest with your friends and family. Honesty goes a long way.
Leave the victimhood mentality at the door. Hold your head high and ask for help when you need it. Most people want to help.
Provide a hard deadline.
“You know that JJ and I divorced recently. Child support helps but it’s not sufficient to cover all of our bills. I could use your help. Would you please consider watching Emma and Josh for six months? I can’t pay the going rate but I can pay $x. I know it’s a lot to ask. Please think about it. That’s all that I ask.”
Other stay-at-home moms, aunts, grandmas, and friends: Keep your eyes open for opportunities to bless your fellow sisters who are struggling. Here’s an article I wrote on blessing single moms. If you can lend a hand do so.
Listen Up, Boys
Husbands and dads: Give your wife space, adult conversation, free time, help with the kids & around the house, and encourage her girl friendships outside of the home.
Value the sacrifice. Honor what she’s doing.
You know that you could not do it as well as her. The mom calling is divine. Let her know!
I dare you to profit!
PS I realize that this article seems out of touch with modern society. Perhaps that’s what is needed. Money never solves all of our problems.
Love never fails, though.