I was raised by a single mom. Our dad left us early and was rarely part of our lives. The sole responsibility of being both mom & dad fell squarely on her shoulders. There are ample opportunities for us all to bless single moms.
Does the Church have a Biblical mandate to care for single moms?
We as the Church must do everything in our power to care for single moms and their children. Using our time, talent, and treasure to care for the fatherless and widows is the responsibility of the Church. I am the church and you are the church. The work is never done and this particular mission field is in need of our love and attention.
Hagar & Ishmael
God promised Abraham and Sarah a son. All of the external circumstances pointed to the promise being impossible. As such, they cooked up a plan — an awful plan.
Abraham had a son with Hagar. She was Sarah’s maiden. This was a terrible idea and it went about as well as you could imagine. Eventually, both Hagar and Ishmael were kicked to the curb.
God still blessed Ishmael, however.
Psalm 68:5 A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation.
Elisha and the Widow
In this story, a widow was left behind when her husband died prematurely. The financial situation was dire and creditors were coming to enslave her sons to pay off the debt.
She got up in Elisha’s grill and demanded some action. God used Elisha and a miracle was created. In this miracle, God provided sufficient money for the debt to be repaid and enough for her to live on going forward.
The Modern Church
God has a soft spot for single moms and their children. We, as the church, have a limitless number of ways in which we can be a blessing in their lives. Some of them are small and others are monumental. Some are affordable and some are expensive.
Single moms, at times, avoid church. Why? It seems like just another responsibility. Life is often chaotic and getting a couple of kids ready on a Sunday morning seems like just another chore.
Plus, isn’t there a 10% admission price for membership in the club?
There is an entire group of people that we could be reaching, loving, and encouraging in the Word. How?
Here are several ways in which we, as the Church, can be a blessing and generate hope. Which ones can you put into practice in your church?
Bless Single Moms — Buy Some Groceries
Even if a family has access to SNAP or other resources, it never absolves the church from expressing love. If our first thought is sending her to Uncle Sam for assistance we’ve forgotten who we are as the church.
When I was a young kid we actually went to the landfill in search of food. Our neighbor had heard that a local cannery discarded its mislabeled cans of food on a specific day. Two families packed into a station wagon and went on a treasure hunt for cans of food.
If you’re slightly repulsed and a bit queasy you should be. The church definitely missed a grand opportunity to assist a couple of families in need on that particular day.
The church, however, is not just an institution though. If you’re moved to help a family with groceries don’t wait for “the church” to do something.
I am the church.
You are the church.
If we truly believe that the blessing of Abraham is upon us then we need to take it fully. God told Abraham that he was blessed to be a blessing.
Do you ever wonder what you’re “calling” is? It’s to be a blessing.
Bless Single Moms — Offer Babysitting Service
The days of latch keys kids are long gone. My mom was able to leave her four minions home alone and just pray that we didn’t destroy it. Moms now must strap their teenagers in booster seats and wrap their babies in bubble wrap — or so it seems.
Moms need help caring for their children so they can earn an income. Their working hours may not be from eight to five each day. Perhaps the only job they can get is overnight.
Are you willing to deny yourself, pick up your cross, and help a family in need?
Oh, and by the way, this will probably will be pro bono work.
Bless Single Moms — Auto Maintenance
Often single moms are operating solely in emergency mode. They often do not have the time or luxury to plan strategically. Their life has been turned upside down and they are using every ounce of energy to simply keep their head above water.
If you have read The Seven Habits of Highly Effect People you should recall the time quadrant developed by Dr. Covey. There were four areas of time management: (I) Urgent & Important; (II) Non-Urgent & Important; (III) Urgent & Not Important; and (IV) Non-Urgent & Not Important.
Preventive auto maintenance falls in the second quadrant. It’s non-urgent but extremely important. Most families live in quadrant one. The urgent and important is what grabs our attention.
Vehicle maintenance, if it is left unchecked, will creep into quadrant one. If, for example, oil is not changed or is allowed to run low then an engine could blow. What $30 could have prevented now has devolved into a $3,000 emergency.
How about offering to change the oil in her vehicle? While you have it, top off all of the fluids, vacuum it, and fill it up with gas if you’re able.
As a bonus, if mom has a young boy actually change the oil with him. Teach him how to safely jack up the vehicle and get his hands dirty.
Legal Services
Every family situation is unique and cookie-cutter solutions are discouraged. However, it’s possible that a single mom is in need of legal services.
At a minimum, she is going to need a will. Certainly, no one wants to talk about dying — especially with young children. Ignoring it does not make the potential situation go away. Hopefully, the dad is still in the picture and custody is simple. That’s not always the case though.
Help the mom to understand the custody significance. If the dad is not in the picture this custody question will be difficult and will take time.
Once the decision is made then help her get a last will & testament. State-specific wills can be purchased and created through Legal Zoom for a reasonable cost.
If the dad is still alive, child support should be provided. My dad stopped paying it early in my life and then he moved out of state. We didn’t have proper legal representation so we couldn’t fight for child support.
Admittedly, this one could be cost-prohibitive. I’m not suggesting that you fund this enterprise on your own but you could.
Perhaps a persistent and organized church member could uncover pro bono legal services so when any situations arise the resource is already at your fingertips.
Financial Coaching
It’s unhealthy to provide unlimited economic outpatient care. My mom at one point had to go from welfare to work and she took a pay cut in the process. Financial co-dependency is just as dangerous as other more obvious areas.
A financial coach can help the mom develop a long-term plan to get back on her feet financially. No one desires to be on the receiving end of money for longer than necessary. Planning a year or two down the road might seem ridiculous or impossible but a coach can help with bite-sized goals.
A good coach will provide budget guidance, reinforcement of the importance of a will, and both short-term and long-term financial planning goals. Classes such as Financial Peace University are a fantastic starting point but often a little more hand-holding is necessary.
Resume Preparation
The majority of resumes and cover letters are useless. It’s not because the person is unqualified and has nothing substantial to put in the resume. It’s usually because unimportant things are put in and vital things are excluded.
When a person is going through a tragic situation their confidence is often shot. It’s never fun developing a resume when confidence is running on empty.
A business owner or manager should be able to help her see through the fog and string together some helpful language.
Don’t ever let a lack of education hold a person back. In many cases, degrees open doors and are required. That’s not always the case, however.
I coached a young person a few years back who dropped out of college after one semester. College was not her thing. She began working at a cell phone store and did well.
A new furniture company was moving into her area and a regional manager came to her store for some help with his phone. She provided excellent service and he offered her a job.
She kept learning, producing, and climbing and is now well above the median US salary – without a degree.
Most employers or hiring managers want to know a couple of things. The most important thing is “Can they do the job and make my pain go away?” If a manager refuses to hire you because you don’t have a degree and one is not needed you are dodging a bullet.
Cover Letter Preparation
Now that the resume is done, an awesome cover letter is needed. Not just some namby-pamby upchuck but something that creates separation from the other applicants.
Uncover the problem faced by the company. Get to know it and then find out how you can make it go away. If you cannot make the problem go away then don’t bother applying. When the hiring manager reads this letter they will be excited to meet this person quickly.
Interview Practice
Once the resume and cover letter are in place it’s time to begin practicing how to interview. Interviewing is not easy and it takes practice. Offer to help by being the interviewer and give her the opportunity to verbalize the answers.
Yes, this will be awkward but it’s the best method.
Help her to form her responses in a concise yet informal and conversational manner. You will need to find ten to twelve common interview questions and come to the point where they are almost memorized.
Mentor Her Kids
No one is expecting anyone to become a surrogate parent. Plus, despite what HRC says, it does not take a village. However, an extra hand once in a while could be helpful
There are tons of things that kids could learn and we’re only limited to our imagination. We’ve previously mentioned changing the oil in a car. What about learning to play guitar, or play a sport, the options are endless.
Bless Single Moms — Pray With Her
Since we’re mentioning dozens of practical things we need to make sure the spiritual is covered as well. Too often we get the spiritual and forget the practical.
James 2:15-16 Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?”
Take some time to pray with her when you see her at church. Call her and check in and pray with her over the phone. Texts are convenient but not for a lonely person. A call is better than a text and an in-person hug is better than a call.
Mama Mentor
The book of Titus has some challenging theology that many would consider outdated or old-fashioned. I prefer to stick with the book.
Older women should step up and provide Biblical discipleship.
A single mom needs training and discipleship just like the rest of us. The older women of the church should surround this person with love and prayer. Help her to live the Book. Maybe you’ve been where she is and can help her walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
Be a friend and be a mentor.
Bless Single Moms — Pay the Rent
I am persuaded that if you’re reading my posts you are a person who practices radical generosity. Since you’re a radical giver then you are accustomed to God dropping giving ideas and amounts into your heart and mind.
Yes, it’s quite possible that you will be impressed to pay the rent for an entire month. These times of giving are an exceptional opportunity for a wounded person to feel the love of God in a tangible way. We get blessed as well!
If you are married you need to be on the same page when giving this radically. There is nothing quite as awesome as having an idea about giving a radical gift and your spouse is in 100% agreement.
Fun stuff!
Take Them on a Date
Pack the entire family up and go get a pizza or two. Let the kids eat without worrying about anything. Mom can simply have an evening where someone else cooks and washes the dishes. Make it extra special and go get ice cream too!
A moment of escape might be just what the doctor ordered.
Bless Single Moms — Fishing and Hunting
I absolutely loved to fish when I was a kid. I could spend hours casting my favorite Rapala or Jitterbug and be totally content. Obviously, without a dad in the picture, I was required to find ponds, streams, and rivers within walking distance.
On a few occasions, adults allowed me to tag along.
Please do not miss this point. Moms are pushy (in a good way) when it comes to their children. Kids have great memories. I recall two times when we were visiting “friends” and the husband was preparing to leave to go fishing. Of course, both moms were like, “You should take Tim with you, he loves to fish.”
I went in both cases but it was obvious that I was not wanted. I went anyway and did my best to enjoy the trip. Going when you’re not wanted is worse than not going at all.
Men, stop being babies and lend a hand. Yea, yea you worked all week big deal. Get outside of yourself and be a blessing to a little guy. Your life is not your own — you were bought at a price.
One other time my Uncle Mike took me fishing for a tournament. My friends and their dads signed up for it and I was without a dad and boatless. My uncle came through in a large way that day! That was forty years ago and it still brings a smile to my face!
Bless Single Moms — Give Them a Place to Live
Okay, we’re getting into some treacherous waters now. This one is at a point where the giving becomes super radical.
As a kid, we did several one or two-night stays with families and they were helpful. We lived off and on with my grandparents for a big chunk of our life as well.
It takes a special family to allow another family to live with them. In my existing church, it’s a common thing. It’s not easy but it’s doable.
1 John 3:16-17 By this, we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
If this is something that you’re considering please take some precautions. The stay should not be open-ended. Work with the church’s financial coach to determine a course of action and a timeline for “re-launching” the family.
Boundaries must be established and honored.
Loan Her a Spare Automobile
Some families have multiple vehicles and one is used primarily out of convenience. Maybe it is time to inconvenience ourselves to help a single mom.
Here’s a suggestion. Allow her to use the car without cost for a year. Cover all of the maintenance and insurance during this time. She only needs to cover the cost of gas.
During this time she needs to begin setting aside some money and looking for another car to buy. If at the end of the year you feel like extending the time or giving it to her outright do so.
Bless Single Moms — Start a Small Group
Single moms have very specific and personal needs. A format where they can freely, honestly, and candidly share their struggles and successes would be great.
If your church has “free market” small groups maybe you should consider starting one for single moms. An hour or two of community with people who have conquered these issues and struggling through them is quite beneficial.
Retire Your Robe and Gavel
Every single mom’s experience is unique. Perhaps the mom is a widow (2 Kings 4:1). Maybe there was an abusive situation and she had to run for her life.
Sometimes there is a deadbeat dad situation (Genesis 21:14).
Romans 14:13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.
It’s unfair of us to demand life for the unborn but then criticize, judge, and condemn a single mom who keeps her baby. We certainly can help her make better decisions going forward but condemning her past is unhelpful.
Put your robe and gavel away for good.
Always Point to God
God is our source and God is her source. We never want to get in a position where we feel as though we’re meeting another person’s needs. Surely, God may be working through us to accomplish the task but God is her All In All. We’re simply managing His resources.
Don’t expect anything other than a simple thank you either. If you’re doing this because you want everyone to know that you’re generous, your heart is in the wrong place (Matthew 6:2). No one should be fawning over you. She should be fawning over God.
Don’t Forget Pop
Single dads experience the same pressing issues as moms. If you have a single dad in your midst, surround him with love and prayer as well. All of these suggestions will work for him too.
We, as the Church, could do better with our care for single parents. If your church is knocking it out of the park, please help other churches get in the game. Churches that are on the sidelines need to get into the action. Christianity was never meant to be a spectator sport.