There are many super crazy Bible verses. Some are just hard to understand. Others are difficult to believe. Some are just a bit odd. Here are some of my favorite crazy Bible verses.
Disclaimer and full disclosure: None of these are intended to make fun of or denigrate the Holiest of Books. I am identifying the miraculous works of God and showing that He has a sense of humor even if we don’t always recognize it.
Who Hasn’t Lost A Kid?
Luke 2:43 After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it.
Most parents have forgotten a kid somewhere, right? It’s a right of passage. Forgetting a kid at church or at home (KEVIN!) humbles us and gets us off our perfect parent high horse.
Losing the Son of God, though?
This would be a funny scene. The team making The Chosen should do a flashback of this scene and ham it up, baby!
“Mary where’s Jesus?”
“He’s with Elizabeth.”
“No, He is not.”
“When is the last time you saw Him, Mary?”
I can’t even imagine that feeling in the pit of their stomachs.
Don’t Mess With Jael
Judges 4:21 But Jael, Heber’s wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.
Jael was so punk rock! She was a survivor. Driving a tent peg through the temple of another person is next-level stuff.
One of my favorite Psalmists is named Charity Gayle. Her music falls under the name, Tent Peg Music. It’s encouraging that she has read the book of Judges. Kind of odd that she decided on this name but I think it’s awesome.
P90X or Weight Watchers
Judges 3:22 Even the handle sank in after the blade, and his bowels discharged. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it.
Ehud came to assassinate King Eglon of Moab. Eglon oppressed the Israelites for eighteen years. Ehud was the instrument of freedom. Mission accomplished. It was a disgusting thing, though.
Don’t Touch The Junk
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets; then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall have no pity.
I’m not really sure about this verse. Sometimes grabbing a man’s junk is the easiest way to do harm. If it applied to me I’d really need an expert in Hebrew to break it down for me.
Ladies, if your man is ever losing a fight just kick the dude in the head. Keep your hands off the other dude’s wedding tackle.
Crazy Bible Verses — Animal Farm
2 Kings 2:23-24 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking up the path, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, chanting, “Go up, baldy! Go up, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the children.
Elisha was one bad dude. There is so much to this story that is easily missed. Elisha’s mentor was Elijah. He was taken up to heaven and did not die (“Go up, baldy!”). The kids were making a mockery of the plan of God and disrespecting the true prophetic gift.
The punishment seems harsh to our sensibilities. I am going to quote the famous philosopher from West Philadelphia — Will Smith
“Don’t start nothing. Won’t be nothing. “
Agent J — Men in black
2 Kings 9:35-36 But when they went out to bury her, they found nothing except her skull, her feet, and her hands. They went back and told Jehu, who said, “This is the word of the Lord that he spoke through his servant Elijah the Tishbite: On the plot of ground at Jezreel dogs will devour Jezebel’s flesh.
Jezebel was an awful human being. Her judgment was predicted long before it happened. Her name was even mentioned in the Revelation of Jesus as a terrible person (link to an article I wrote about the 7 Churches).
Numbers 22:28 Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?”
Christians easily blaze past this text and atheists mock it. The idea that the Creator of all things could “persuade” a jackass to talk isn’t that big of a deal.
Crazy Miracles In The Bible
Isaiah 38:7-8 This is the sign to you from the Lord that he will do what he has promised: I am going to make the sun’s shadow that goes down on the stairway of Ahaz go back by ten steps.’” So the sun’s shadow went back the ten steps it had descended.
God is just being God and doing only what He can do. He spoke the universe into existence. Surely making the sun go back ten degrees wasn’t too difficult for Him.
II Kings 6:5-6 As one of them was cutting down a tree, the iron ax head fell into the water, and he cried out, “Oh, my master, it was borrowed!” Then the man of God asked, “Where did it fall?” When he showed him the place, the man of God cut a piece of wood, threw it there, and made the iron float.
A son of the prophet (Bible school type student) borrowed an ax to do some work. He lost the ax head in the water. I’d imagine he was broke and couldn’t afford to replace the tool. He whined to Elisha about it. God performed a miracle through Elisha and the ax head defied the laws of gravity.
Pretty cool, huh?
Crazy Bible Verses — Creation
Psalm 19:1 The heavens tell of the glory of God, and their expanse declares the work of His hands.
David was thousands of years ahead of the scientific community. He wrote that the heavens were expanding long before science “confirmed” that it has been expanding since Genesis 1.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
The universe has a beginning. It hasn’t always existed. The very first verse of the Bible is a mic drop moment. Atheists and naturalists reluctantly agree to a universe with a beginning. When this theory was proven some scientists attempted to disclose the results. They were fearful it would empower creationists. Too late — we believed it all along and didn’t need someone from the University of Science to confirm our beliefs.
Colossians 1:17 He is before all things, and in Him, all things hold together.
For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries.
Stephen Meyer — Return of the God Hypothesis
Scientists continue to play catch up.