Dave Ramsey is the best-selling author of several personal finance books and hosts a massively popular radio talk show called The Dave Ramsey Show.
Dave offers simple financial advice. He is the master of turning a phrase. His marketing skills are next to none.
His extreme popularity makes some of these things easy to parody.
Relax. It’s not like this kind of stuff would send anyone to hell.
Would it?
DAVE RAMSEY: DEBT IS DUMB!
1. When asked what you want for dinner you instinctively scream, “BEANS & RICE, RICE & BEANS!”
Don’t forget the antacids.
2. You’re obsessed with getting a concealed carry permit. It would fit nicely next to your very lonely debit card and driver’s license.
Dave makes it sound so cool. What’s in your wallet?
3. Each time the POS terminal flashes “debit or credit” you reflexively and audibly respond with “Debt is Dumb, Cash Is King” with as much disdain as humanly possible.
Let them stare.
You do you, boo.
Bring cash next time, though. You probably overspent by fifteen cents by not using cash. Slacker.
4. The word Tennessee is now pronounced differently at your house. How did we mispronounce this word for so long?
I’ve always wanted to spend an entire day changing up my syllable emphasis on select words.
“Fear not the obstacles in your path.”
5. When leaving your home late at night to deliver pizzas, you gaze into the abyss searching for predators while shouting, “I’m not a gazelle, I’m not a gazelle!”
Only four more years and you can finally catch your financial breath, gazelle-boy.
BUT DAVE SAYS!
6. Baker Street is your go-to jam on Karaoke night.
Baker Street is so much better than your embarrassing take on Baby Got Back.
7. You have regular verbal spats with your stockbroker about 12% returns.
But Dave says!
8. You’ve been told on multiple occasions that if you say, “Dave says” one more time you will be kicked off the team.
You’re standing your ground, good for you! The carpool is now overbooked but you don’t care. You will not bow to the “normal is broke” crowd.
You will get another side gig during golf league anyway.
I would love to hear a parody song of Jane Says, by Jane’s Addiction titled Dave Says. Any takers?
9. You believe that there are more than 1,000 ways to destroy a credit card. Challenge accepted.
Fire? Boring.
Vitamix? Pedestrian.
I know, how about an eBook titled, 1,000 Ways To Murder A Credit Card.
10. Hertz has classifed you as Public Enemy #1 for your recent credit card tantrum at Hartsfield Jackson.
“But Dave says, I don’t need a credit card to book a car!”
“Honey, the golf course president is calling you again. Have you not returned his calls?”
DAVE RAMSEY: NORMAL IS BROKE
11. Friends stopped asking you how you were doing. You’re now more annoying than they deserve.
Get your own cliche, pal. No one likes an unoriginal copycat.
12. The “FREEDOM” scream by William Wallace from Braveheart is your ringtone.
The narrator says, “Our antagonist will stop using ringtones when he is finally on Babystep #7. Or when his iPhone 5 can no longer be upgraded.”
13. You’ve been tossed out of every grocery store in town for haggling prices with the manager.
In all fairness, have you seen the price of groceries recently?
Raise some Cain, baby!
14. You’ve been mugged several times on payday. On the bright side, all of the local cops know you by name.
Maybe you should revisit #2.
15. The number 7 is lame-o. Your new favorite number is 15. You have a goal to invest 15% of your gross income and refinance into a 15-year mortgage.
Serendipity, baby, serendipity.
Yes, you struggled with this. It was between the numbers 10 (years of salary for term life and the % to give away) and 15. Fifteen won.
Whatcha gonna do with that Jody Davis #7 jersey?
Laughter is Good
Dave Ramsey has helped tens of thousands of families get out of debt and get on a better financial path. Enjoy his teaching but don’t be afraid to laugh once in a while either.
Running like a gazelle every day has to be exhausting.
A joyful heart is good medicine
Proverbs 17:22
I dare you to profit!
PS – your favorite movie is now Tango & Cash…
Okay, I will see myself out.
Tim manages a $ billion+ loan portfolio. He loves to write and teach about biblical stewardship. He has authored three stewardship books, including The Profit Dare. His fourth book, Savvy Stewardship, will be released in May 2024. He hosts The Profit Dare and Sola Melodica YouTube Channels.
He has an MBA from Cornerstone University and a Certificate in Behavioral Finance from Duke University.
Tim is a former church planter, youth pastor, and short-term missionary.