I have a fantastic relationship with my mom. Some parents desire to keep the parent & child relationship dynamic in place forever. However, at some point, the relationship must evolve and grow beyond that. My mom did a masterful job transitioning from parent to friend.
When I was young and under her roof, I had a Biblical mandate to obey her. My mother no longer has that type of authority in my life. However, the Bible is clear that I am to honor her.
I’ve witnessed seventy-year-old parents confusing obey and honor. They would tell their forty-five-year-old child, “The Bible says you are to honor me!” When what they really wanted was obedience. They were still attempting to boss this person around as if they were an infant. That’s a recipe for relational disaster.
What does the Biblical phrase, “Honor your father and mother” actually mean? One of the definitions of the word “honor” is primarily about money.
How should Christians honor their parents as adults?
One way that we can honor our parents is to bless them financially. Many of us today are known as the sandwich generation. Our parents are living longer and our kids still need our financial assistance. We are “sandwiched” in between the two and often both are in need of money. At times, this might seem like just another bill on top of other bills. We need to find a way to shift our thinking so that we are honoring our parents. We don’t have to do this but we get to do this. There probably is at least one person who would “pay” anything to spend another day with their mom or dad.
Over the next five minutes or so I want to share some practical ways to honor our parents and reveal what the Bible says about parental honor.
Non-Financial Ways to Honor Our Parent
Life is tough for some of our parents. Yes, parents are living longer but sometimes that means they are living in an assisted living facility or in a nursing home. Loneliness is pervasive for many of them. The lives of their children do not get put on hold because of this change in life which further complicates things.
Most parents simply want to spend time with their children. Time is something that cannot be multiplied. We can make more money but we cannot generate more time.
Yes, we are discussing money but do not think that your money is ever a replacement for your time. Don’t be that child that sends money but never spends time with his or her parents. Time is imperative and money is needed as well.
We should do both!
We should always speak highly of our parents and never speak about them in a negative manner. None of our parents are perfect. That still does not give us the right to pick apart their faults or shortcomings.
Never condescend or treat our parents as children. Perhaps, one or both of your parents is entering a difficult phase of life where they begin to act in a childlike manner. Treat them with dignity and respect and always honor them.
Now let’s talk about honoring them with money.
Practical Ways to Honor Our Parents Financially
Lunch Dates
If money is tight, consider setting up a standing lunch date. Again most parents just want to see their kids — and especially their grandkids. Springing for filet mignon is not required. Pick them up and go to Chick-Fil-A or some other fast food joint. Burgers, fries, and milkshakes are perfect.
Pick a Bill, Any Bill
Even if your parents are doing well financially we still should honor them financially. Another way that we can do that is by paying one of their bills. If your budget permits, pay one of the bills for your parents. It could be as small as garbage pickup for the month or as large as their rent or mortgage. “Mom, I want to pay one of your bills. I have $x to do so which one would you want me to knock out for you?”
Cell Phone Plans
One of my brothers put my mom on his cell phone plan for several years. He purchased her a phone and she was simply added to his plan. She had a quality cell phone plan and didn’t have to mess with the hassle of working with AT&T, Verizon, T-Mobile, or Sprint.
Automobile Oil Changes
Could you “borrow” your parent’s automobile and take it to the dealership for an oil change? While you are at it, get it washed (or maybe detailed) and fill it up with gas.
Lawncare and Snow Removal
As parents age, getting lawns mowed, leaves picked up and snow removed can prove difficult. If you’re physically able and live nearby, go to your parent’s house and mow their yard. They will appreciate you taking time out of your busy life and you will save them money.
One of my other brothers used to plow our mom’s driveway when it snowed. Of course, he had a plow truck and the skills to do it.
Groceries
Do your parents enjoy a certain type of food or beverage? The next time you’re getting groceries, pick it up for them and drop it off.
What If We Live In Different States
When I’m visiting my mom or she’s visiting us, she never pays for anything. Sometimes it ruffles her feathers because she wants to do the blessing. Truth is, she already blessed me and it’s now my turn to bless her every time I get an opportunity. If she wants to do some blessing she can bless her grandkids.
What Does The Bible Say About Honoring Your Father And Mother
But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers. (I Timothy 5:8)
We have a Biblical mandate to financially care for our families. In context, I Timothy 5, is about the church caring for members financially. Paul is adamant that before the church intervenes the family should pony up some cash.
We’ve pretty much turned this over on its head in the good old USA. We often go to outside services and charities for help before considering how we can help.
I understand that assisted living facilities and nursing homes are cost-prohibitive. Maybe you are unable to pay the bill but you can do something to make it more tolerable.
Then he said, “You skillfully sidestep God’s law in order to hold on to your own tradition. For instance, Moses gave you this law from God: ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, ‘Sorry, I can’t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.’In this way, you let them disregard their needy parents. And so you cancel the word of God in order to hand down your own tradition. And this is only one example among many others.” (Mark 7:9-13)
This one won’t be popular with the preachers but that’s quite alright with me. Honoring mom & pop should come before placing money in the offering at church. God fully expects us to honor our parents. It should be obvious from Jesus’ words in Mark 7:9-13 that this type of honor dealt with money.
No, you won’t get a tax deduction for helping out mom & dad. Nope, the deacons and elders won’t see that you gave them $1,000 to pay their mortgage. Do you know who will see it? God Almighty will see and He is the only One that truly matters.
The Ten Commandments
The ten commandments are divided up in an interesting manner. Commandments one through four deal with our relationship with God. Commandments six through ten pertain to our relationships with our neighbors.
So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’ ” (Luke 10:27)
Commandment number five — smack dab between God and our neighbors is about good old dad and mom!
Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you. (Deuteronomy 5:16)
God takes this very seriously and so should we. If you feel you’ve been lacking in this department here is what you can do right now. Get your phone and call your parents or parent. Just tell them that you love them. That’s all and that is a great way to start!
Honoring our parents Biblically can be challenging but it also can be a ton of fun. Shift your thinking from it being a chore to being an honor. It sounds cliche but you won’t have them forever.
Honor them while you still have them. You will never feel wrong about doing the right thing.
Tim Kiser is the author of The Profit Dare: Winning At Wealth Without Losing Your Soul. He is a certified financial coach and speaks on biblical finance and other subjects.